Night ramblings.

Now it is 2.46 am. I don't even know why I'm still wide awake on this couch typing my thoughts. Not to say that I'm not sleepy but I just uhmm, refuse to sleep. Maybe, after all, I am scared, terrified.

I'm scared of what might happen tomorrow. I'm scared of how I will spend my time tomorrow. I'm scared time will continue running leaving me behind with nothing but regrets. I'm scared of what the future holds.

Because right now, my education is really at the edge of the cliff, just hanging to fall or to be saved.

Tiba-tiba dari tidur masuk education, lol.

It's night, I can't sleep and this is what I used to do. Just ramble on and on and on. Actually, I'm searching for notes right now so it ain't that unproductive, kan? Hihihi.

You know, I have a few drafted posts, waiting to be written and posted but time is the issue here. Time management to be exact. I wasted time watching too much TV instead of revising for the exam.

Haih. Student.

Interests.

It is 11.37 pm.

When it comes to realization, I've gained a few kilos. Yes, I know that because I used more energy to run this evening. Usually it was rather easy and 'light' but this time, whoa, am I carrying a ton or what? Pancit wo lari naik bukit turun bukit.

So, I've picked up two new interests. Too new to call it a hobby.

And too bad I'm occupied with exams that I can't enjoy these new interests that much.

#11

thirdly, i know i have to die eventually, my death is written but it's a secret no one will ever know. it's like jumping off a cliff and not knowing when you'll hit the ground -mariaelena

I flinched a little when i read the second sentence. Imagine yourself falling and just keep falling. It is scary. The moment you hit the ground is the scariest thing when the falling part is already really scary but not knowing when, that's just menggerunkan.

Manusia.

manusia itu degil.
tahu dengan jelas dosa tapi buat.

manusia itu degil.
tahu baik buruk tapi entah kenapa buruk jugak yang dibuat.

manusia itu degil.
tahu salah tapi ego.

manusia itu degil.
tahu peraturan tapi buat langgar je.

manusia itu degil.
tahu arahan tapi sengaja diabaikan.

manusia itu degil.
tahu nanti sakit hati tapi baca juga.

manusia itu degil.
tahu pengalaman mengajar tapi tak mahu belajar daripadanya.

tetapi sedegil manapun manusia itu,
dia tak pernah berhenti untuk belajar.

ya, walaupun sebelum ini dia tak pernah belajar.
it's all faith.

#10

Packing is just one activity I've never enjoyed. It is more to frantic searching than what it is supposed to be. Tomorrow will be a very long day. A few hours in the car. Nice, I can do some sight-seeing. I'm hoping to see real nature. And hopefully tomorrow won't be one very long boring day. I'd be fat if boredom struck. I eat when I'm bored so, yea.