Yes, sure.
I can lie to my friends, family and maybe to all of the people around me. I can say that I am totally over it. I can say that I am okay when life hits me hard on the ground. I can say I am perfectly fine. I can show my bright smile and wear it all day long. I can pretend everything is okay. It is true. I can lie to them. They will not know.
Pathetically, I can't lie myself.
Deep inside, I am not over it yet. Deep inside, I am half okay. Deep inside, I am half fine. Deep inside, I don't really have a bright smile. Deep inside, everything is quite not okay. I can't lie myself. Because I, myself, will know.
And until I figure about this funny thing; heart, I shall prepare. I won't really give my care to it.
"...bukan mudah untuk berubah
dari tanpa arah ke sejadah
dari tepi jalanan ke sujud menghadap Tuhan..." -Hlovate
Sep 5, 2012
Sep 1, 2012
Night ramblings.
Now it is 2.46 am. I don't even know why I'm still wide awake on this couch typing my thoughts. Not to say that I'm not sleepy but I just uhmm, refuse to sleep. Maybe, after all, I am scared, terrified.
I'm scared of what might happen tomorrow. I'm scared of how I will spend my time tomorrow. I'm scared time will continue running leaving me behind with nothing but regrets. I'm scared of what the future holds.
Because right now, my education is really at the edge of the cliff, just hanging to fall or to be saved.
Tiba-tiba dari tidur masuk education, lol.
It's night, I can't sleep and this is what I used to do. Just ramble on and on and on. Actually, I'm searching for notes right now so it ain't that unproductive, kan? Hihihi.
You know, I have a few drafted posts, waiting to be written and posted but time is the issue here. Time management to be exact. I wasted time watching too much TV instead of revising for the exam.
Haih. Student.
I'm scared of what might happen tomorrow. I'm scared of how I will spend my time tomorrow. I'm scared time will continue running leaving me behind with nothing but regrets. I'm scared of what the future holds.
Because right now, my education is really at the edge of the cliff, just hanging to fall or to be saved.
Tiba-tiba dari tidur masuk education, lol.
It's night, I can't sleep and this is what I used to do. Just ramble on and on and on. Actually, I'm searching for notes right now so it ain't that unproductive, kan? Hihihi.
You know, I have a few drafted posts, waiting to be written and posted but time is the issue here. Time management to be exact. I wasted time watching too much TV instead of revising for the exam.
Haih. Student.
Interests.
It is 11.37 pm.
When it comes to realization, I've gained a few kilos. Yes, I know that because I used more energy to run this evening. Usually it was rather easy and 'light' but this time, whoa, am I carrying a ton or what? Pancit wo lari naik bukit turun bukit.
So, I've picked up two new interests. Too new to call it a hobby.
And too bad I'm occupied with exams that I can't enjoy these new interests that much.
When it comes to realization, I've gained a few kilos. Yes, I know that because I used more energy to run this evening. Usually it was rather easy and 'light' but this time, whoa, am I carrying a ton or what? Pancit wo lari naik bukit turun bukit.
So, I've picked up two new interests. Too new to call it a hobby.
And too bad I'm occupied with exams that I can't enjoy these new interests that much.
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