What a day.

Putrajaya.
Junior.
Seniors.
Faizatul Natrah, paling penting.
Speechlessnya dia, senyuman buat aku.

:)

---
Currently on a 'healthy-eating' diet,
kononnya.
Pastries
Tarts
Puffs
Chocolates
Waffles
Doughnuts (Choc peanut tadi nampak sedap)
Bau pun dah cukup.
Nak sedapkan hati, "nafsu je semua tu, jangan kautunduk."

:P

---
Dia yang engkau salahkan,
sepatutnya dituju buat engkau.

Bukan salah dia buat itu,
Tapi salah engkau menafsir.

---
Assignment.
Origami, my thing, remember.

Tapi bila dah sampai tangan tak ikut otak,
itu tandanya kena rehat.

Ini addiction sihat,
sebab siapkan assignment.

Tapi kalau dah namanya addiction,
buat sampai tinggalkan rehat,
pun jadi bahaya juga.

Rehat itu perlu,
Nikmat Tuhan jadikan siang dan malam,
jangan kau nak lawan yang tu.

---
So far it is all good.

Orang yang tak tahu cerita.

Buat dengan buat-buat,
beza.

Bila orang kata kita tengah buat-buat
padahal kita tengah betul-betul buat.
Diamkan.

"The danger of trying to judge the inside of a situation, from the outside, is that you're almost always wrong." --Yasmin Mogahed.

---
Orang yang tak tahu cerita,
tapi cerita bagai nak rak,
kau diam je.

Jangan dibalas.
Biarkan dia di level dia
dan engkau, di level engkau yang tersendiri.

Level; tahu dan tidak.

Pada hemat aku, diam itu cerdik.

Petang.

(i)
Sebab pagi tadi dah buat rounds, petang ni dalam bilik; lipat baju, settle assignment.

(ii)
Semalam.
"Tak tahu lah nak kata macam mana. Sedih? Tak. Tapi dia macam adik-beradik dengan sedih jugak lah. Dalam konteks tu jugak."
"Kecewa dengan diri sendiri?"
"Ha! Tu."
Diam.

Pembelajaran daripada diamnya dia.

(iii)
nemesisku,
perkiraan yang bersimpang-siur.

Perlu mohon diperkuat, atau dipermudah?

(iv)
Back to my ol' time favourite,
origami.

Papers; kirigami, origami, cutting, folding, crease, scrapbook, coloured.
My kinda thing.

My clarification.

Cerita-cerita tentang aku,
yang kau dengar
datangnya bukan dari aku;
don't buy it.

---
Pisahkan,
antara bergurau-senda dan fitnah.

muka baru.

Himpunan cerita-cerita beberapa hari.

(i)
Terima kasih, Yana.
Terima kasih, Dayang.
The laugh that I need the most.
I'm winning.

(ii)
Lepas ni,
I won't care anymore.
Kau nak buat benda pelik
dekat tempat pelik
waktu pelik
dengan orang pelik-pelik;
I won't care.
Kau nak buat your thing;
I won't care.
Kau terganggu;
I won't care.
That disturbed look;
I won't care.
Sakit engkau;
I won't care.
Yang engkau lambatkan;
I won't care.
Mahu engkau;
I won't care.
Kata-kata yang kau ingin dengarkan;
I won't care.
Your whereabouts;
I won't care.
Kau, dan semua yang ada pada kau;
I won't care.
anymore.

Hidup kau. engkau.
Hidup aku. aku.

freed.

(iii)
I couldn't undo things.
And I couldn't tell my mind to stop living it.
But one thing for sure,
I'll ignore it.

(iv)
Makanya sekali lagi,
terima kasih.
Bagi yang menceriakan
menghidupkan
membangkitkan
menyedarkan.

(v)
Esok hari baru.

Malam ini.

Aku tidur dalam ketakutan. risau.
Kalau-kalau itu terjadi lagi.

Sedih? Tidak.
Terkejut sebenarnya.

---

berkecamuk.

pilihan paling selamat
sekarang ini,

keep busy.

Yang satu ini.

Cumanya kali ini,
lain.

Aku buat benda yang aku tak pernah buat,
Aku berhenti buat benda yang biasa buat.

Kau siapa sebenarnya, dalam hidup aku?

Mohon Tuhan beri petunjuk,
sama ada untuk terus biarkan engkau berlegar
dalam taman hidupku,
atau sudah masanya
aku mencari pengajaran
disebalik kiriman Tuhan
berupa engkau ni?

Tapi sungguhlah,
engkau je yang lain macam.

---
Maaf.
I know how it feels,
sekarang baru kau faham? dan rasa.
Makanya, macam tulah
aku rasa betapa tidak adilnya kau terhadap aku.

Maaf.

Cerita sebelum breakfast.

(i)
Selain satu nama itu
yang aku sentiasa sebut dalam setiap doaku,
semalam aku sebut satu nama asing
yang mana kaumnya
tidak pernah kusebut dalam mana-mana doaku.

kerana Engkau yang pegang hati ini,
maka hilangkanlah kesakitan ini,
dan Engkaulah sumber kebahagiaan,
yang sebenar.

(ii)
Menjaga.
Ini soal kerjasama kedua-dua pihak
sebenarnya.

Kalaupun salah satu belot,
kau kuatkan diri,
kerana insyaAllah-- ganjaran.

(iii)
Hari-hari yang lepas,
aku sering tertanya,
mengapa aku menulis begini?

Tak boleh blog post biasa-biasa ke, Alia?! LOL :P

(iv)
Bak katanya,
semoga tulisan-tulisan ini
menginspirasikan sang pembaca
ke dalam kisah mereka sendiri,
bukan kisah aku.

17012014, 2324.

(i)
I'm Alia.
I worry over many many things,
I very rarely worry for someone.
but when I do,
that's quite something.

(ii)
I appreciate the words of encouragement :) Decision is yet to be made, though.

(iii)
"Ya Ghaffar, ighfir dzunubana" --Asma Allah, Sami Yusuf
sebab teringat pagi-pagi di 9(2)

Dilemma.

(i)
Ketika dan saat itu,
yang sakitnya
yang peritnya
teringatkan engkau pernah.

Yang lebih lagi,
terpaksa aku tahan.

(ii)
Pilihan dan aku.
Caranya, berlari--
agar tidak difikirkan.

tetapi sampai waktunya,
jadi berbelah.

Untuk sekali ini sahaja,
izinkan aku ikut mahuku.

(iii)
Malam ini tulisan selekeh semacam.

Cerita pagi hari.

and suddenly I'm writing again.

I was up at four and now I don't know what to do. Let's just talk about what has been happening for the past two weeks.

My first week of school was very hectic. On Monday, I was told that another five students and I were supposed to do uhhmm, how do you say, experiment? Presentation?..when the first lady of Turkey came for a visit. Monday night, we kinda brainstorm for things to do. We were given the topic Inheritance to be presented. Tough one. For the next few days until that Friday, I had to skip classes for days. I had to stay with the five of them and do some preparation. Blah blah blah. Our plan got rejected, had to do the planning all over again. Then, had to wait for hours to set-up the place. On the very last minute, we had to move the whole set-up to the library. Wen Xuan had to draw the Punnett Square multiple times. But, albeit all that fuss, it was a pretty nice week. I finally get to do some exercise during the weekend. Kot lah, if you call that exercise :P

And now, second week. So far so good. Nothing much, just the same rush. Or am I the only one who rush here and there? Haa, you see, that's the way I run away. When things get complicated, act simply. It's easier that way. I prefer putting that problem at bay and keep busy so I do not have to think about it. Yesterday, went to see my co-supervisor for my research. I'm doing it alone. One thing for sure, I must make sure my level of spirit is at a stable level all the time. Once it's down, everything will possibly be gone. So yea, better be careful from the start.

Next week juniors are coming. Expect another busy week, people. Four people in this room and alarms are buzzing every 15 minutes. LOL, I better get going now :P

---
dan dalam hari-hari tu,
setiap satunya
masih ada.

That beautiful man.

He is love,
He has taught me a lot of things
from the smallest simplest matter to the big things,
His laugh and smile
though I've never seen it
are brighter than the Sun
and that's the most beautiful thing ever,
His pain and hardship
taught me about patience,
He prayed for me, you and us
every single day and night
after every single prayer
though he's never met us,
He's the best example
drinking
eating
talking
watching
travelling
wearing
reading
learning
everything--
manners come first,
He starved for us,
He lost two front teeth,
was nearly stabbed
multiple times,
He put others first,
He sacrificed himself
to experience the pain of death
so that we don't have to feel that pain,
Hundreds of years after his death,
He is still remembered.
May we get the chance to feel the love.

---
'Cmon Alia,
Kalau nak bandingkan kena cerca, cedera, lapar, najis
dengan tak faham Add Math,
the former deserves streams of tears.

Celaru

I once said
"for now or ever"--

fool.

God said 'forever' is in the next world.

---
This 'ouchness' 
please.

---
Rasanya kalau diberi satu sahaja untuk dikatakan,
aku akan kata, 'tolong'.
Biar engkau fikir sendiri, dan faham sendiri.
Maka, tolong lah.

Bukan aku, tetapi engkau.

Cerita dalam kepala minggu ini.

(i)
Respect and trust.

For you,
I have none anymore.

(ii)
Pada aku sekurangnya,
dibenci itu jauh lebih baik,
daripada orang hilang hormat pada kau.

(iii)
When I don't know your whereabouts...

(iv)
Dan sekarang,
hari-hari itu,
aku harap tak pernah terjadi.

Ia lagi parah.

---
At the cliff, gripping hard.

---
Feeling quite scared, actually.

Disturbed.

Kau,
dalam perkiraan aku,
maaf. kejam.

Atau aku sebenarnya?

A bomb exploded.
Aku lah trigger,
aku lah target.

Maka, aku yang kejam sebenarnya, bukan?

---
That electric you gave me,
chilled to the bones.

and you think you're right all along--

What are you? if you're not kejam?

---
Yang perlu koreksi sekarang ini,
aku.

---
Nak bincang soal adil dengan aku,
my definition please.

Hanya yang satu ini,
maaf, tiada toleransi.

---
0155, berjanji dengan diri sendiri. I take my promises very seriously.

Reshuffled.

Aku rabun,
apa yang aku nampak--
agenda.