Idiot.

It's been more than a week now. Okay.

I'm hanging right now. Not literally. I hate being hanged on like this. It's not fun at all. It's like being suspended in air. Hanging on; you don't even know when you'll fall or whether someone's gonna save you up, you don't even know what's beneath you and you don't even know how long you will continue hanging like that. I hate this feeling.

At least, at the very least, leave me something to believe in. Leave me with something like maybe a no or even a simple dot. That way I know I will not keep waiting for nothing. You know, you let me in and leave me just like that. No explanation, no smile, no nothing. You just, gone.

It's okay, fine. It seems like I'm the idiot here.

Let's talk; my confession and Gaza.

"We will not go down in the night, without a fight"

I have been keeping my fingers on the keyboard for more than ten minutes now. I have been wanting to update this blog since a few days ago. Still, nothing comes out of it. I don't know how to start this. I don't even know if this post will be long but let's hope it will not be boring.

All these times, I have been ignorant about the condition in Palestine, Gaza, Syria. I see news about them on the TV, newspapers, Internet but that was it. A few days ago while browsing my Twitter, I came across tweets about Gaza. I don't know what was it but something inside me touched me. I knew I had to do something and my perspective regarding this matter took a turn. It has changed completely.

Those years and the ignorance, I believe I was like that because of fear. I was afraid of what was happening to them. I was afraid of what will happen to them. I was afraid of their tears. I was afraid of their blood. I was afraid of the situation. I was afraid I would shed a tear. Oh, I have this thing with 'tears'. I don't fancy them. It isn't ego or anything. I chose not to cry in front of people. I do that alone, occasionally.

Flashback a few years and here I am. Fully aware of my responsibility as a Muslim, that I should support the Gazans. Fully aware of what's actually happening. Fully aware of what I have became for the past years and really ashamed of it.

Confession, done.

If before this I was too chicken to view the photos of the situations in Gaza, I gather my strength now, and look at it. Now I know. I know they need other Muslims to be by their sides. They need our prayers. They need our support.

Seeing photos of the situation in Gaza now was heartbreaking. Mothers holding their lifeless children. A father cries holding the body of his child. Shattered buildings. Out of all the photos, one caught my attention. A photo of a soldier pointing a gun at one guy who has the Palestine flag in his hand.

You see, the amount of faith that Palestine guy put on Allah, it's beyond everything. Fearless. He has Allah and Allah alone is enough for him. Again, I held myself from crying.

This whole thing has been very emotional to me. Even seeing photos of protests on the streets around the world made me teary. I wanted to join those protests but I can't. The emotions and spirits during the protest are too strong. Others might say aloud and I probably would cry, bawling like a child. I'm one Jane Doe who can't control her emotions.

You might want to hear this. A few months ago, I was asked to give a speech to the teachers before a pre-test. My classmates were asking me to talk and I was like "no, please, no. Not me." But they were so bersungguh-sungguh so I got up and stood in front. I smiled, my eyes started to become teary, my vision was blurred and tears streamed down. I wasn't able to give the speech. Every words that came from my mouth were like blergh. Then, I finished my speech, sat on my place and continued crying.

So, yep. I can't stand strong emotions. I'm just, you know, sensitive like that.

One out of the many things that I've learnt regarding the attack is that I need to learn. I need to learn and venture deep into the history of Palestine and why this thing is happening. Let's learn, shall we? Together. Let's learn together. One step at a time, it isn't too late. Or it is, so in that case, better late than never.

Oh, people. (I don't know why I like to address my readers, if I have any, as 'people') If you were to hear my voice reading this post, it would sound trembling. I'm holding it in, okay?

Last but not least, may Allah bless us all :)

On a sidenote: I wrote a post about this yesterday but I drafted it. The post was too long and messy and so emotional and so out of place and so not neat which is the same as messy but you know how I am with words. This one is much to my liking. I like it when I can convey my message without the post being long. I should treat myself to a cup of tea, which brings us to the fact that I have not drink tea for quite some time now. That's odd. I love tea.

Pen off, people! World peace all the way! :D

Pray for Gaza!

I want to sleep.

It's 1.22 AM and I can't sleep.

Since my sleeping schedule is messed up, I decided to correct it today. I went to bed at 11.10 or so. After a few turns, maybe I should watch something on the TV. I went out of bed and watched Good Chef Bad Chef. They made lasagna.  It was midnight, I went to bed again. Turned here and there, blanket on and off, went to the toilet. Then, I tried to sleep again. It was late, I need to get a nice sleep. Failed. Here I am, not feeling sleepy even a bit.

Well, maybe because yesterday I was awake for a few hours only. Genius.

Time to get serious, people. I've been thinking about why am I not getting any reply from a complete stranger who I barely know?! Ugh, man, I hate this feeling. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to create a drama here. I hate dramas. But really, this stranger is like the wind. Just a passer-by. You can hope for the wind to come again but you'll never know when.

Okay, let's put that aside.

I can't sleep, okay. So what should I do now? Have a stare contest with this screen? Haha, that's a lame one :p Hopefully, next morning I won't be sleepy and all weak. This should be a reminder that I should never ever sleep late because then, sleeping schedule will be messed up.

People, whatever situation you're in, have nice sleeps! :D

Planning for class party and my vain randomness.

They drag me in.

I thought this November will be a 'me-month'. You know, wind down and stuff. Boy, was I wrong! You see, last year, my friend and I organise our annual class party. We had fun organizing it. We planned about the party on our way to the bus stop. Now, that's last minute in a cool way. Haha, I'm getting off the track. The party went well. Spaghetti carbonara, KFC and all.

This year, after we got the profit from Entrepreneurship Day, half of the class sat down and we discussed about our class party. I was in it for a day. A few days later, I backed out. I decided this year I want to take a break from planning part whatsoever. So my friends start planning about the party. They discussed at Facebook and all.

Today, my friend asked me how's the planning for class party. I saw that as "let's do the planning for our class party". Yes, people. I'm in. There goes my wind-down-November T_T Alas, this is a good thing. I like planning and organizing. This is a skill actually. I guess this will be useful for days when I become a university student, someday. Anyway, this year's planning is a tough one. We're still discussing about it. With a really tight budget, we need to search for the suitable food and fulfill everyone's satisfaction. Before this, they decided to go to Pizza Hut and have our class party there. I don't think that was a good idea because not everyone can taste each pizza and it's not satisfying.

I've searched high and low for caterers and all. *sighs* Maybe, we should do it like last year. We went to the supermarket for ingredients, cooked it at home and voila, class party! But that requires us to go out together and an extra-day to cook for the party. Did I mention about the venue? We don't have a venue yet. We can't do it at school like last year. SPM is going on and we absolutely don't want another lecture from the headmistress. We also need to pick the right date so that our class teacher will be able to attend the class party.

I hope everything goes smooth this year. Amin~ :D

This is nothing but my out-of-place randomness but anyway, yes, I do believe "good things come to those who wait". Be it another year, I'll wait. Though this is making me like 'cacing kepanasan', I will wait.

Macam hopeless je bunyi, haha :p

Away, swayin'.

I just got back from a real short getaway.

My family and I went to Port Dickson. The only place that we go to every year. Once or twice a year, we would go to PD and just relax our minds out. Every year, it's the same activity; arrived, to the beach, to the pool, eat, more eating, to the beach again, lastly eating. Though it sounds the same every year, we try to make it different. For example, seafood dinner, trip to teh museum or anything that can make every year different.

For this year, we had lunch at Secret Recipe, Alamanda. That's different from past years' getaways. I know it's nothing big but it was something to us. Probably because the service sucks. We thought it would be really enjoyable and memorable but it was not.

We had to wit for approximately 1 hour 45 minutes for our food to arrive. The workers didn't even apologize and their reason was, "Lunch hour memang macam ni. Kita tak cukup pekerja." The weird thing was, our food arrived cold. COLD! My mom said they shouldn't use 'lunch hour' as the reason because they, as the workers, need to be fast and efficient during the lunch hour. It's true, after all. I can't believe we paid 10% for service tax. 10% for a service like that. Anyway, I hope they improve their service and motivate the workers.

I need to clarify something here. I am bad at giving title. All of the titles of my posts are ridiculous. Haha, the thing is I don't know how to give a title. Usually, I write the post then, I give it a title. So, please bear with my cheesy titles T_T

I talked to someone a few days ago. I should use more emoticons/smileys. Truthfully, I'm not that kind of person who use smileys a lot. I don't find them necessary at most situations. That's why I think my writings sound boring and plain. Believe me, I don't sound plain like that. I'm cheerful. Maybe. Haha, no lah. Well, the point is, I am not plain. "Point well made, Ms. Fine Lady" :D

Since I have nothing else to say and my sister wants to watch Running Man (which I don't find it to be funny, at all because I prefer 2D1N), I better doze off now. Eh, no. I mean I should 'pen' off now. Is there such a word? *facepalm*

Hiatus from school.

School holiday has started. Can I get a what now? (Apparently, that commercial break from Nickelodeon has been playing in my mind for quite some time now, lol)

School holiday officially starts today but I start mine 4 days ago. During the last week of school, everything is boring. Two weeks ago, we had an event that ended on 11pm. Since school ends at 2.30pm, we have absolutely nothing to do. I had to sit in front of the library and do nothing. Just sit there for 3 and a half hour. That's a pain to my butt. Because of that, I started my holiday 4 days earlier. Earlier this week, we had Entrepreneurship Day so I didn't want to miss that.

For the last 3 years, I have been spending my holiday at a camp. This year, I'll be spending my holiday at that camp too. When I mentioned camp just now, don't think of fireplace, tents, forest, by the sea or things like that. It's just a three-week program at a local university. I don't know why they call it camp, though. It's one of those camps for umm, how should I put this? I don't want to brag but it is for gifted students. This program is adapted from Summer Camp for Talented Youth in John Hopkins University.

That camp means HUGE to me! It's like future for me. They offer good education and they even prepare us for higher education. So yea, it's huge!

The program will start on 2nd December until 22nd or 23rd (I can't recall) December this year. Please expect a hiatus from me for awhile during that period of time. Now I just have to figure out what I want to do to fill up this November. I don't want to stuck at home and watch TV all day long. Other than that and the everyday chores, I don't have anything else to do, really. You might suggest going out but with the rate of crimes nowadays, my mom won't even let me go to the nearest kedai runcit. I can't even jog at the park in the morning. There goes my exercise routine......

That being said, it seems like I really have nothing to do. Anyway, let's cheer up and be sure to spend your holiday wisely.

Something.

Let's talk about today, shall we?

Because yesterday I said I will be more productive and all, here's an uhmm what should I say, update? Hmm, yea, update of my productivity. Not really but there's improvement. At least, there's something. What am I rambling? *rolls eyes*

I did spring cleaning today. That's quite something. I am not satisfied with the cleaning, though. This house looks clean and neat but there's something that makes me go "I need to change that, I need to clean that, I need to organize that". Probably it is just my inner feeling for being extra 'rajin'. You know, I am a lazy person. That is one thing. Another thing is, whenever I feel diligent, I am like a machine or even worse I can't be stopped. I think this is the moment I am being a machine. You can't stop me once I've started. But once I've stopped, it's super hard to 'start' me.

For the reading part, errkk. That means I've not started yet. Maybe tonight but who knows. There is a reason behind all this. The other day, I was waiting the bus to go back home. I keep the book that I'm currently reading inside my backpack. When I got home, I just put the backpack away and yesterday I noticed that the backpack was quite damp. When I looked at the book, a small part of it was damp. So today, I let it sun dry. I know it's not a good idea because the pages will be curled and what not but I don't care. As long as the pages are dry and legible, I'm fine with it. It will look a tad bit hideous, though.

Why do I think my writing is so plain? I think I sound so serious. No, I'm not. To those out there, please read my writings in a cheerful way because that's how I read it in my mind, haha. Perhaps I should add some photos? Maybe not now. I don't want to deal with the copyright whatsoever.

*sighs*

Anyway, have good days ahead and take care of your health! :)

Where I left off.

I think I am a really bad blogger. 

I told myself to be consistent in writing everyday but apparently, I have failed in doing so. I should have some kind of electric device kinda thing in my body so that every time I feel lazy to write, the electric shocks my nerves. The same goes for my journal. I know, keeping a journal is very sissy and all but it's not like I write "Dear Diary, today I ate cheeseburger. Oh, no! I will gain weight" whatsoever. So, I am not sissy-like. I write things like uhmm.......wait, I rarely write so there I present to you, Me, Myself and My Laziness.

 I should be more productive since I don't have big things around. I've been a potato couch for a month now and I feel very bad. I do feel guilty leaving this blog but this laziness is what keeps hindering me. 

Don't try saying things like I should have a schedule because the last time I made a daily schedule, I don't even follow it for the first day. Haha lol. I guess I should cut the time I spend for watching TV and checking facebook for no reason. It's true. I check my facebook every hour or so which is totally pointless. 

I also need to start reading books. I miss the feeling of merging myself into the characters and swept away by the plots. Again, time managing is my enemy here. 

I have a few posts drafted but not fully written yet. I should start writing and reading soon. Eh. Not soon but like....now! You know, an anime I'm watching is streaming now so I'll watch that first and I'll start being productive after that. True! No lies, cheats, sweet talks whatsoever.

I feel pathetic. I feel like I'm talking to myself when really, I am talking to you whoever you may be but it seems like only ghosts visit my poor blog. Haha lol. Hambar.